From The Complete Moron’s Guide to Starting a Boutique Winery for Dummies (2007)Cover   |   1   |   2   |   3   |   4   |   5   |   6   |   7

Managing Your Fame

This is a tip!Dress the part; never be seen or photographed without a fleece vest bearing your name. Really tight jeans are macho (even if you’re a woman). Become a patron of the Theatre or Symphony.

Choice of Work Vehicles

You will need an old truck, preferably pre-50’s, restored to mint condition and perhaps a land-rover. For marketing you’ll need either a BMW, Mercedes, Jaguar or vintage Porsche … this establishes credibility. Would you buy a $60 bottle of wine from someone driving a Chevette?

Aaaaiiiiieeee! Warning!
Never answer your own phone. Better yet, decree that nobody answers the phone, ever.

This is a tip!
Always blame all problems and inconsistencies on the staff (even if you don’t have one). Migrant workers are especially inviting targets in this regard.

Eating Out
Always be seen drinking your own wine. Remember that every diningexperience is  BYOB speak loudly and drop “buzz words”  (E.g. “crush”, “mycellar”, “95 points”, “Brix”, *’Naked Women in my fermenter”, “Bobby loved it”). Other diners will immediately form an opinion about you and ascertainthat you are important!

This is a tip!
Never tell a sommelier or wine steward who you are but if you get charged corkage for your BYOB bottles, ask loudly and with indignation “Do you know who I am?”

This is a tip!In the Restaurant: Have someone call you on your cell phone: say loudly, so other diners can hear, “Tell Charlie Trotter 2 cases and that’s it!”

Journey back in time with us and browse the last 20 or so years of mailers, newsletters, and video.

Begin by selecting a morsel below or from the sandy column just to the right -->

Recent Newsletters

Cameron Swimsuit Issue! (2023)

Last summer, I received a call from Sports Inebriated Magazine, and now histoire has been made …

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Cameron makes it big (2021)

[our November 2021 e-newsletter]

Dear Cameron Winery Enthusiast,

You know how important marketing is to a winery. We certainly do, as you can tell from the flood of one newsletter we create every year (psst: […]

There’s More... >
The Cave of Fermented Dreams (2019)

In a not-so-remote valley in Northern Oregon, four intrepid explorers discovered a hidden treasure…

There’s More... >

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