Cameron Winery -- sustainably farmed, non-irrigated, Oregon pinot noir and chardonnay

Dear Dr. Cameron:

Is it true that you can neuter cats by dipping them in wine? A friend of mine maintains that immersion of the hindquarters in a tannic red (he suggests a California cabernet or, especially effective, a syrah) causes the gonads to contract into the Tom’s body and that the increase in temperature renders the cat sterile for approximately one month.

Does California wine really work in such a way and, if so, is it harmful to sit in? (my girlfriend is curious)

Baffled in Beaverton

Dear Baffled in Beaverton:

I have used California wine on many occasions but I must confess to ignorance regarding this particular technique. However, it is true that after two successive vintages of swimming in Cameron Pinot noir, my wife has not become pregnant. When we talk about the versatility of a particular wine it sounds as if our thinking has been somewhat confined. I will certainly pass on your question to John Thomas who, as you are undoubtedly aware, has enough cats to run replicate trials. Or better yet, conduct your own experiment by ordering cats at our toll-free number 538-3953. By the way, a hot tub or a cold shower might accomplish the same result.