From Martha Stewart’s Restricted Living (2002)Cover   |   1   |   2   |   3   |   4   |   5   |   6   |   7   |   8   |   9   |   10

ask Martha

ask MarthaDear Martha,

The stresses of life in a minimum security prison have caused unsightly frown lines to appear on my forehead. How can I get rid of them?

Margaret Giraud
San Diego Correctional Institution

There is a simple nonsurgical procedure that can dramatically reduce even your toughest wrinkle. Homemade Botox starts with 2 humble ingredients: canned mushrooms and a healthy innoculum of Clostridium botulonii, While this neurotoxin is normally difficult to obtain, a mass poisoning of the prison population will be your clue that this substance is at hand. A few tiny injections of the liquid portion from the contaminated can will relax the muscles between your brows that cause the lines to form. The most common side effects of this treatment will be headache, temporary eyelid droop, nausea, dyspnea and death.

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